Does size matter?

Let’s just start off by saying that the average size is around 14 – 17 cm (that’s 5 – 6″ for all you imperialists out there). Of course, it’s not all in the length, it’s also about the thickness. Now here, the average is supposed to be around 8.8 – 10 cm (3.5 – 3.9″). A simple geometric formula and calculation will tell us the average diameter should be about 3 cm. So there, try puttin’ your fingers together now and see what that is. Quite reasonable, I assure you, unless you’re into real pig-like fisting and need a lamp-post up your ass. But I’m not even gonna go there.

Now, the thing you gotta know, is how dicks get measured. Well the problem is that you dick has like a gearbox. Some guys will get you really hard, while others not so much. Basically, it is impossible that a man be brought to “full power” just like that. So, they have some other methods. The simplest one is to measure the little dick when it’s sleepin’; that will give a very rough estimation of how much it can grow. Then, there’s another method which involves stretching the dick (yeah, basically pulling at it) with a certain pressure, and measuring that. No, it will not make it bigger in the long term, I’m sorry. And the best one is injecting a prostaglandin into the little dick. That will always make it reach its “full potential”, it’s something like viagra. Only problem is, you know, I for one will not let anything sharp near my precious willy.

I learned, that humans are the only mammals that don’t have a “penis-bone” (sorry, no better word for it), although we do call them “boners”. It’s all blood-vessels and blood. So do watch out for that cholesterol, you don’t wanna have dick-stroke (I don’t know if it’s possible, but a quick theoretical hypothesis tells me it might very well be). Also, the ratio dick-size/body-size is largest for humans when compared to other species. It’s like a calling card. So at least from a scientific point of view it does count. Now I don’t really see how a big dick would help reproduction, cause it’s got nothing to do with sperm, but hey. Ballistics on the other hand say longer guns shoot further, so maybe that’s the reason.

Now I know this might be a sensitive topic for some people, and I know that is something that everyone cares a lot for. Whether they admit it or not, everybody likes them big. It is sensitive topic for a lot of guys (if not all of them), and mostly they complain about it being to small – you never hear anyone complaining they got a big dick, do ya? Then there are those that are really large, sort of bulky, and the poor chaps ended up with a tinsy-winsy-thingy. And you’ll see a lot of those around, so watch it! Nature has a sick sense of humor sometimes, doesn’t she?

Apparently it’s not nice to say that size matters. That’s why everyone keeps blabbin’ about the “normal”, “average” and so on. Now if there’s one thing I learned about cocks, it’s there’s no such thing as “normal”. I’ll buy “average”, but then you got the vein-y ones, the smooth ones, the ones that go right/left/up, cut, uncut, and so on. I do have to say I never saw one that goes down… unless you mention their mother. Then they go down faster than the speed of light. And ain’t no use tryin’ to ressuscitate that, baby.

People often say “it’s not the size of wave but the motion of the ocean counts in my book”. Fiction book, that is. Now I do understand that if you’re not a very sexual person, you ain’t gonna wanna meet the King Kong of dongs… maybe not face to face mouth/ass/pussy/whatever, but still… you should never close doors.

Now I know, cause I ate a foot-long hot-dog once, and enjoyed it. However, I don’t see myself taking that in my mouth (or any other place). I mean, think of the stretch-marks it’s gonna leave… who’s gonna pay plastic surgery to fix those? I do, on occasions, like it a little rougher, but I don’t wanna be split in half, you know.

On the other hand, I don’t want to be searching for it either, you know… I want it to be there when I need it. Yeah, actually the one that’s always there when you need it works on batteries or it’s made out of plastic/rubber/etc. And I will not suck a small dick. That’s just nasty. If I wanted to pick my teeth, I’d get a tooth-picker. I know that’s gonna stay hard as long as I need to. So, you know, it’s definitely got to “fill the gap”, if I may say so.

But you know, the “motion of the ocean” is just something men with small dicks and the people who date/fuck them invented. It don’t matter how well you use it if it’s small. Actually, this one time (and it bring tears to my eyes even now), this guy was so small he actually apologized for it. Can you say akward? And one other time, there was this little pencil dick whose short-term goal was to fuck me. Honey, go fuck a key-hole with that thing!

You know, it’s just like with guns: the shotgun is definitely gonna whack the little pistol. If you give the little pistol to an armsman and the shotgun to an idiot, the idiot is still more likely to win; the armsman is just going to make the show a little bit more interesting. On the other hand… a nice lookin’ shotgun and an experienced user… is you and a thing on batteries.

I’ve heard (and read) that gays’ cocks are bigger that straights’. I’m just gonna take this as an axiom cause, contrary to popular trends, straight guys really turn me off. Now I would say gays have bigger cocks cause they use them more. But not in this country… so five minutes of shame for two thirds of this country. Maybe it’s an adaptative mechanism; nature knows boys like big toys (in their pants, in their… you know, wherever).

When it comes to size, there are two types of people: size-queens and liars. I mean, let’s just look at gay porn, how they advertise size “Big Black Uncut, Vol. 3″, and so on. It’s obvious everyone likes ‘em. Maybe not everyone is gonna want to take one inside them, even less so on a regular basis, but we all want one at least once. I know I do! Okay, more than one time, maybe even more at the same time (around me, not inside me for cryin’ out loud! I said I wanna feel it, not get split in half, remember?).

Secretly, most people wish the (loved) cocks were bigger. Hey, I wouldn’t mind have a 25cm-something snake in my pants. Now I don’t care if nobody’s gonna wanna “take care” of it, but it’d be there! It’s like having a huge diamond that you keep in a big safe and show off at dinner parties.

But hey, in the end the search for the perfect dick is a bit like the story of Goldielocks. Excuse me, I meant Goldiecocks. This one’s too small, this one’s too curved, this one’s juuust right. And there ain’t such thing as too big. No matter how big it is, you can still do something with it. Truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all. You have to remember that all people should be/are beautiful regardless of cock size. But that’s mostly because you can’t see their cocks. Here’s a quick tip that might help you if you don’t like what you see when he drops trou: strap a couple more condoms on it. Not only it will make it look a little bigger, you’ll also be safer. It’s two birds with one shot!

In the end you have to keep in mind that sex is just a mind game. If you play your cards right, you might fool ‘em anyways. I mean, even I, on occasions, have bragged with more than I actually had – it’s a bit like selling stock on a margin. But they didn’t say anything about it. Or maybe they got me so hard that I actually “stretched my limits”.

And remember, at the end of the day you want a soul-mate, not a cock-mate. Well, most of the times. But hey, who says you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

PS: I do apologize for the images. However, they serve to illustrate the purpose of the article.