Right… it seems that the lack of sex is finally taking its tow on me; or at least I hope it’s just the lack of sex. And not a moment too soon, cause I’ve been growing very grumpy and high strung, so it’s about time I blew off some steam; plus my virgin friends (or those that have very little sex, or none whatsoever) won’t get to call me “unlaid” anymore. It’s actually a good thing, because it’s been like so long, and the last ones weren’t exactly what I’d call enjoyable. Maybe now I won’t moan all the time about not being laid, and blame every bad thing that happens to me on that.I guess it’s time. And like I always say… if you don’t want something bad enough you’re not gonna go after it. Okay. After a little digging, I find a suitable victim, and unleash the hostilities. I obviously know very little about him, and don’t really know what to expect. But, we set a date and I go “what the hell, I’ll try anything at this point”. Bingo! Surprise, surprise, but we actually have a winner. He’s a bit of an odd-ball but hey, like I was saying… I’ll give a go at anything.Since I have not, nor will I ever give up (some of) my habits, a brief analysis is in order. Chapter one – looks: pretty good, actually; better than I expected. Chapter two – brains: guess it’s all right here too, but I wasn’t really in an intellectual mood. Chapter three – tech: oh, this one’s a blast; either I really needed it bad, or he’s good (must look into this). All right then… so we’re fine. Guess it might hold up in the long run. Let’s call this one the boy-toy (and no offense).
Meanwhile… it seems the timeline had something else in store for me. While I was enjoying this new… whatever, guess who decides to pop out of the box? It’s none other than The Ghost of Christmas Past (New Year’s is more like it), one of the few (if not the only one) guys I ever loved and ever considered something serious with. I’m not going to go into details about how that story went, that’s for another time. For now I’ll just say that I do have some feelings for him, even if a bit mixed, and every time I think there might be a chance to reenact stories from the past, I get all crazy.
This time it’s about going to the seaside. Ring a bell? The two of us (hopefully) alone in a room, on a beach, etc… Jackpot! Too bad I have to work the weekend, and although I have a good mind to skip work and jump at it, my better judgment wins. I ain’t even gonna mention what a frustrating weekend that was. In trying to get away from all the torment, I had a little fun on Friday, which was quite okay. On Saturday however, the longing grew ever larger, and eventually I got the crazy idea to drop by for a couple of hours. Hmm… this definitely requires some counsel; I called my best girl-friend, who’s also a very good friend of his – actually I think he likes her more than me, should I be jealous? She says I should think it over really well (d’uh!) and that if it’s what I want I should go for it; just make sure he’s not there with someone else – imagine how embarrassing that would be, I said.
But hey… there’s a saying: if you think too much, your head might eventually hurt. Mine didn’t, although I did think a lot. Anyway, I didn’t go. I did make sure he wasn’t with someone else in the “love” department, but he wasn’t alone either (well I just called him and subtly asked). Saturday night, instead of going out partying like normal people do, I was moping in front of the computer. And I get a call. Poor thing is depressed and wants to talk. But, why me? Anyway, it’s the oldest story – boyfriend left. First impulse – let’s comfort the poor sucker: there’ll be others, blah blah blah. Of course I found the story really funny, but still… one has to be sympathetic. So I comfort him for a bit, he accuses me of laughing at him (“Iti vine sa razi, sa-mi bag pula”) – nice choice of words, wouldn’t you say so? Yeah, okay, I get that he’s really upset; well I had a headache, so I threw that one in and got away with it.
I really have to apologize to the world for my second impulse. I know it’s wrong, immoral, unethical, call it what you will, call me a SOB but I just can’t help it. Besides, I was blinded by loves/lust/whatever, remember? So… poor baby’s kind of vulnerable right now, is he? Let’s attack!!! Ahem… first let’s review those notes from charm school, shall we? Wouldn’t want to blow this one up, would we now?
Sunday afternoon it’s my time to call and check on sweetheart. “Are you okay, or is it going to require a professional?” (namely me). Funny enough, the “professional” is required. The week after, we eventually get together for a quick dinner. Those charm school notes paid off. I performed at my most charming self, and everything went so very smooth… I could’ve even gotten a kiss. Since it was really hot outside, we plan to go to this park one of those days. Aha, so “second date”, wants to go in a park, intriguing.
The “park day”. I think I was free from work, and I waited all day long. I’d kept myself free especially for that. But, the phone never rang, and when it did, it was a friend of mine asking me if I was in the mood for a drink. It’s a little late for parks anyways, so might as well drown my sorrow (LOL). Just as I was walking out my building, sweetheart calls, about the date. And I’m like so in trouble now. Good thing he wants to meet later… I’m babbling like crazy, and he figures out I had other plans. However I can cancel, so we could meet later. Just my luck; my friend drags me around the city for a bit, and eventually we get that damn drink. As time goes by I’m getting more and more frustrated, and the phone doesn’t ring. Okay, I get the picture. The evening being over, I think I deserve at least a consolation prize – might even be better than the actual prize. Call in the boy-toy? Nah ah. Flat chance. He’s busy too (how presumptuous of me to think otherwise).
So, needless to say I’m left with nothing but a huge feeling of frustration on my hands. On the “first date”, sweetheart and I had discussed about another weekend trip to the seaside. Unfortunately, after the park day, that plan went straight down the drain with some lame excuse that I won’t even bother mentioning. You can surely see the agony I went through. After a couple more tries of getting him out of house (which failed, obviously) I gave up.
Now, I don’t really know what to make of this. My guess is he got really scared. The first time we met, it was pretty intense. I know I got very worked up. And I’m positive he was too – I’ll probably never know, but still – one feels certain things. Afterwards we kept getting into stupid arguments – he misunderstood me, and I misunderstood him, and we ended up hurting each other. So this time he thought “what if it happens again”? I’m not going to go into details about what that story meant for me, but it definitely is something I regret, and I’ll just say I’ve learned my lesson.
It might be a little though…
